On my mind...

...dreamed about working at the mill again, yuck! Too bad there were parts of it I really liked. Being buff was one of them, and the money was the other. But I would never put up with any of that other stuff, ever again.
I'm in another pulling away mode...don't want anything to do with anyone because I'm pretty disillusioned with the human race again. I'm sure I'll get over it, but for right now it's where I'm at and I'm really ok with that. I get tired of judgmental people. Need I say more? It's everywhere, like a rampant disease, and it usually backhands me upside the head when I least expect it. No more searching for the "right" kind of people, they're gonna have to come to me.
All I can do is work on myself, and hope and pray that God and my Mom approve of what I do. Beyond that, I have NO control!
I just deleted a whole page of stuff I was going to write to my family...but naaaahh. It's not worth the time and effort! I think the idea of divorcing them, like I was advised to do, makes much more sense.
So, this year should be pretty interesting and peaceful and less confusing. Besides, my life is good today. Why would I want to go backwards?
I am so looking forward to being a Gramma! Another phase in my journey. I think I'm still a little in shock over the whole thing. After all, I just got my one daughter to the age of 18 alive, and of course my eldest is ok. Now another phase starts before I get a chance to catch my breath! I do have a lot to be thankful for today, though. A roof over my head, bills all paid, going forward with my life, a great job, learning new things every day, single, a nice running car...two beautiful girls who love me and make me happy. What more could a woman need?? hmmmm....

Funny...

...how life can change so much in what seems like the blink of an eye. Once again I am here alone. This is really okay with me...I would much rather be alone than be in an unhealthy and un-FUN space. I am just too busy with my life anyway. I am totally dedicated to my school and my kids, and wouldn't change a thing. Except I would like my Mom back, or would just like to be able to hug her once. She understood the meaning of unconditional love.

Pain seems to be something I have gotten used to, and am walking through all of it by myself. This is something I never learned to do on my own before. Gotta keep trudgin', regardless of how much it hurts. Something good has got to come my way soon. I keep telling myself that! At least today I feel an awsome connection and balance that I've never felt before, and that gives me huge satisfaction. The circle keeps going around and around, with me in the center instead of on the outside spinning around in confusion!

> 

Sinister? Maybe. I think, just a little intense. Sometimes. 

...and the Journey Continues

....everything must have a beginning and an end. My life's been plagued by endings too much lately, so this new journey will be a positive thing, a refreshing respite from the drudgery of life.