Lofty Ideas of a Tarnished Mind

Lofty Ideas of a Tarnished Mind

A New Window
Posted by Hello

A New Baby
Posted by Hello

A New View...

The month of May brings a different view of things for me. The most painful year of my life is almost over with, and I survived. The view out the window is a little different today....greener with more tall trees all around, with beautiful flowers all around, and the same fresh smells of the forest I grew up in. Trilliums, those same native Oregon flowers I used to pick and take home to my sweet Mother grow all around me, taking me back to an easier, naive (but no less painful) time in my life.
The view from my eyes is a little more focused, a little more content, less confused and definitely happier. I have a sense of stability I haven't had for many, many years.
I've chosen to spend my life with a special man who makes me happy and really understands and loves me, just as I am.
I don't waste my time trying to please everyone anymore. It's an impossible, daunting task that has caused me tremendous grief over the years. As the tee-shirt says...it's not your day, and tomorrow isn't looking very good either. I've let go of the things and people I have no control over.
The word "sister" means something totally different to me today. I thought, stupidly, that it was a stable, important and unchangeable thing that would always be in my life. I know now that the ones who choose to be in my life are my sisters, not the ones I grew up with and who caused me so much heartache. It leaves a deep dark hole that will never be filled. But if I allow myself to be manipulated and attacked and rebuffed, I am not being true to myself, and am simply allowing myself to be a victim. I chose a long time ago not to be; I have chosen to let go. The events of the past year showed me the true character of my friends and family.
It's left me empty and disillusioned.
My animals have restored my faith in the wisdom of mother nature.
The unconditional love they give me is undeniable and neverending; it's the same kind of love the one person I miss more than life itself gave me from the moment I was born.
My horses are a great comfort to me. My Elli chose to be with me; we were meant to be together. Thank God that at this time in our lives, when she really needed me, I could be there for her, and her for me. We'll find out tomorrow if "Jussy" feels the same way about me.
The deep intense feelings can't be explained...only felt and understood.
I will be Mrs. David Aklin by the next posting. I never thought I would want to be married again, but this is right and good and I am happy and content. Who can argue with that?

And my journey continues...