Lofty Ideas of a Tarnished Mind
Lofty Ideas of a Tarnished Mind
The birthday was the hardest day I've ever had to go through.
After 42 years of taking it for granted that a simple "happy birthday" would be heard...this year it didn't happen. The hollow emptiness of her just being GONE is the hardest thing by far.
People remember relative's birthdays for various reasons. For me, seeing the smile on her face, the warmth in her voice, the happiness I felt in my heart knowing I made her proud, those were all reasons to do whatever I had to do to make her birthday special. It wasn't because it HAD to be done, it was because it was what she would have done for me, or anyone.
She was the kind of person who would talk to strangers. I remember when I was younger it rather embarrassed me...but as I got older, I realized that being kind to strangers wasn't such a bad or embarrassing thing to do. She went out of her way to be kind to everyone.
The whole day, May 28th, was always centered around and for her. Now that she is gone, the day was like a dark, black vortex of pain. The tears simply would not stop, nor did I try to stop them. Four days of pain and tears, and finally a day breaks and I don't have to cry.
Until the next time I remember something, like the way she smells, the way she laughs, the feel of her hand holding mine. And my heart breaks again, the hollow emptiness I feel swallows me up, and I remember I will never see her beautiful face again, at least here on this earthly plane.
A friend told me I should be over this by now. It's been almost a year, I'm using it as an excuse to isolate, says he. My heart tells me I will never be over this. Ever. I never imagined I could feel this much pain and still be breathing.
The birthday was the hardest day I've ever had to go through.
After 42 years of taking it for granted that a simple "happy birthday" would be heard...this year it didn't happen. The hollow emptiness of her just being GONE is the hardest thing by far.
People remember relative's birthdays for various reasons. For me, seeing the smile on her face, the warmth in her voice, the happiness I felt in my heart knowing I made her proud, those were all reasons to do whatever I had to do to make her birthday special. It wasn't because it HAD to be done, it was because it was what she would have done for me, or anyone.
She was the kind of person who would talk to strangers. I remember when I was younger it rather embarrassed me...but as I got older, I realized that being kind to strangers wasn't such a bad or embarrassing thing to do. She went out of her way to be kind to everyone.
The whole day, May 28th, was always centered around and for her. Now that she is gone, the day was like a dark, black vortex of pain. The tears simply would not stop, nor did I try to stop them. Four days of pain and tears, and finally a day breaks and I don't have to cry.
Until the next time I remember something, like the way she smells, the way she laughs, the feel of her hand holding mine. And my heart breaks again, the hollow emptiness I feel swallows me up, and I remember I will never see her beautiful face again, at least here on this earthly plane.
A friend told me I should be over this by now. It's been almost a year, I'm using it as an excuse to isolate, says he. My heart tells me I will never be over this. Ever. I never imagined I could feel this much pain and still be breathing.
posted by K DuBois | 12:19 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home